When you’ve ever felt like your happiness is totally dependent in your associate—or observed that your relationship feels unbalanced and draining—you could be coping with emotional codependency.
It’s straightforward to miss, particularly whenever you’re deeply invested in somebody, however codependency can slowly chip away at your emotional well-being and create unhealthy patterns.
Whether or not it’s you or your associate exhibiting these behaviors, recognizing them early is essential to breaking free and constructing a more healthy, extra impartial relationship.
On this article, we’ll discover 8 issues emotionally codependent individuals typically do in a relationship, in keeping with a psychologist.
Let’s dive into what emotional codependency seems to be like—and how one can take step one towards therapeutic.
1) Over-reliance on associate for emotional wellbeing
Navigating the emotional panorama could be a problem, and it’s pure to lean in your associate for assist. Nevertheless, in emotionally codependent relationships, this leaning can grow to be an over-reliance.
Emotionally codependent individuals typically place the accountability of their happiness, unhappiness, and each different emotion in between, squarely on their associate’s shoulders. They give the impression of being to their associate to replenish their emotional cup, so to talk.
Psychologists level out that this extreme reliance on one other individual for emotional stability is an indication of codependency. It’s like outsourcing your emotional thermostat to another person.
Once we do that, we not solely burden our companions with an unimaginable process (as a result of no person could make us blissful or unhappy on a regular basis), however we additionally rob ourselves of the prospect to develop our personal emotional resilience.
Consciousness of this sample is a big step.
Understanding that our feelings are ours to handle will help us start to shift from codependency in the direction of more healthy relational dynamics.
2) Problem in setting boundaries
Have you ever ever discovered it laborious to say ‘no’, even whenever you actually wished to? If that’s the case, welcome to the membership!
As a relationship knowledgeable, I’ve seen this time and time once more – one of many largest challenges for emotionally codependent individuals is setting and sustaining clear boundaries.
Think about your relationship as a home. Boundaries are just like the partitions of that home. They assist to outline the place one individual ends and the opposite begins.
If the partitions are too porous, it might probably result in confusion and battle. But when they’re too inflexible, it can lead to isolation and disconnect.
Emotionally codependent individuals typically wrestle with discovering this steadiness.
They have a tendency to both have extraordinarily porous boundaries, main them to really feel answerable for their associate’s feelings, or inflexible boundaries that maintain them disconnected from their associate.
It’s okay to say ‘no’. It’s okay to place your self first typically. It’s okay to ascertain your personal house. Wholesome relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding – and that features respecting one another’s boundaries.
3) Worry of rejection and abandonment
A concern that I’ve seen to be extremely widespread amongst emotionally codependent individuals is the concern of rejection and abandonment.
It’s a troublesome one, I get it. The considered dropping somebody we deeply care about might be paralyzing.
This concern typically manifests itself by way of:
- A continuing want for reassurance from the associate
- An incapability to be alone
- Staying in a relationship even when it’s unhealthy or abusive
It’s like an emotional tug-of-war the place you’re scared to let go of the rope, regardless that holding onto it’s inflicting you ache.
In my ebook, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into methods for confronting and overcoming these fears.
By understanding and addressing our deep-rooted fears, we are able to begin to untangle the net of codependency and work in the direction of more healthy, extra balanced relationships.
4) Extreme caretaking
Now, this may appear counterintuitive – isn’t caring in your associate a great factor?
Completely, it’s! However like most issues in life, it’s all about steadiness.
In emotionally codependent relationships, caring typically suggestions over into extreme caretaking. It’s whenever you consistently put your associate’s wants forward of your personal to the purpose of self-neglect.
You may assume you’re being selfless, however one of these conduct can truly be dangerous to each you and your associate. It can result in resentment in the long term and creates an unhealthy dependency.
It’s vital to keep in mind that it’s not your job to repair or save your associate. You every have your personal journey and obligations.
Balanced care is a two-way road. It’s about supporting one another whereas nonetheless sustaining your individuality and self-care.
5) Battle with self-identity
Self-identity is such an important facet of our lives. It’s our sense of who we’re and the place we match on this planet. However for emotionally codependent individuals, it typically will get twisted up of their relationship.
I’ve seen this repeatedly in my apply – individuals dropping themselves of their relationships.
Their pursuits, hobbies, even their ideas and emotions grow to be so intertwined with their associate’s that they wrestle to distinguish between what’s theirs and what’s their associate’s.
It’s like they’re taking a look at themselves by way of the lens of their relationship, fairly than as distinctive people. This may result in a way of loss and confusion when the connection ends or adjustments.
I’ve discovered that taking time for self-reflection and self-care might be extremely useful in rebuilding your sense of self.
- Discover your personal pursuits
- Set private objectives
- Spend high quality time alone
6) Denial and minimization
Let’s get actual right here. Denial and minimization are coping mechanisms that emotionally codependent individuals typically use to take care of the painful actuality of their state of affairs.
They may inform themselves, “It’s not that unhealthy,” or “They’ll change,” and even “I’m overreacting.”
It’s like carrying rose-colored glasses to keep away from going through the cruel truths about their relationship.
However right here’s the uncooked, trustworthy reality: denial and minimization solely lengthen the ache. They maintain us caught in unhealthy patterns and stop us from shifting ahead.
It takes braveness to face actuality as it’s, particularly when it’s painful. Nevertheless it’s solely by acknowledging the reality that we are able to start to make adjustments.
It’s okay to hunt assist. You don’t have to do that alone. Skilled counselling or assist teams can present useful instruments and sources that can assist you navigate by way of this course of.
7) Problem expressing feelings
As somebody who’s labored with emotionally codependent people for years, I’ve observed that expressing feelings could be a main hurdle for a lot of.
It’s like they’ve spent a lot time specializing in their associate’s emotions that they’re uncertain categorical their very own.
As an alternative of speaking overtly, they may suppress their emotions or categorical them in unhealthy methods, resulting in misunderstanding and battle.
Studying to specific your feelings in a wholesome manner is an important a part of breaking free from emotional codependency. It could be uncomfortable at first, however with apply and persistence, it turns into extra pure.
8) Neglecting different relationships
Let’s not sugarcoat it. Emotionally codependent individuals typically find yourself neglecting different important relationships of their lives.
Pals, household, even their relationship with themselves can take a backseat whereas they’re consumed with their associate’s wants and feelings.
It’s like they’re in a tunnel, and their associate is the one gentle on the finish of it.
However right here’s the laborious reality: a wholesome relationship doesn’t minimize you off from the remainder of your world. It provides to your world.
Neglecting different relationships not solely isolates you, nevertheless it additionally places an infinite quantity of stress in your associate to be your the whole lot. This isn’t wholesome for both of you.
Reconnecting with pals, household, and your self could be a highly effective step in the direction of breaking the cycle of emotional codependency.
A balanced life consists of quite a lot of relationships and private pursuits. You might be greater than only one relationship.
Conclusion
Emotional codependency could be a difficult cycle to interrupt, however consciousness is step one. By recognizing these behaviors, we are able to begin making adjustments in the direction of more healthy, extra balanced relationships.
Keep in mind, it’s okay to hunt assist and assist on this journey. Our feelings, relationships, and self-identity are complicated issues to navigate alone.
For extra insights and methods on overcoming emotional codependency, I invite you to take a look at my ebook, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s a sensible information that can offer you instruments to untangle the net of codependency and construct more healthy relationships.
