For a very long time, I advised myself I used to be positive.
I went to work, frolicked with pals, and did the whole lot a “regular” man was speculated to do.
From the surface, I seemed like I had it collectively.
However inside? That was a special story.
I felt caught, unmotivated, and stressed—like one thing was lacking however I couldn’t fairly put my finger on it.
Nonetheless, I saved pretending the whole lot was okay as a result of that’s what males do, proper?
Trying again, I notice I wasn’t alone on this.
Many males undergo life carrying hidden unhappiness whereas doing their finest to behave like the whole lot is completely positive.
In line with psychology, there are specific behaviors that reveal when somebody is struggling beneath the floor.
Because the founding father of Hack Spirit and a long-time psychology fanatic, I’ve spent years exploring what makes us tick.
On this article, I’ll share the important thing indicators that males who’re secretly sad typically show—whether or not they notice it or not.
If any of those sound acquainted, you’re not alone—let’s dive in:
1) They joke round—an excessive amount of
Humor will be an effective way to deal with life’s challenges, however for some males, it turns into a masks.
I’ve identified guys who had been at all times the funniest particular person within the room—fast with jokes, at all times making individuals snort.
On the floor, they appeared carefree and assured.
However beneath? They had been struggling.
Psychologists name this ‘self-deprecating humor,’ and it’s typically a protection mechanism.
As a substitute of opening up about their actual feelings, these males use jokes to deflect consideration from their ache.
They snort off their struggles earlier than anybody can take them significantly.
In fact, not each humorous man is secretly sad.
But when somebody consistently turns the whole lot right into a joke—particularly when severe subjects come up—it could possibly be an indication that they’re hiding one thing deeper.
2) They keep “busy” to keep away from pondering
For years, I advised myself I used to be only a exhausting employee.
I stuffed my days with as a lot as attainable—working lengthy hours, hitting the gymnasium, saying sure to each social occasion.
If I had any free time, I’d scroll mindlessly on my telephone or binge-watch TV simply to maintain my thoughts occupied.
I believed I used to be being productive.
But, in actuality, I used to be simply working from my very own ideas.
Trying again, I see that I used to be afraid of silence; in these quiet moments, the reality would creep in—I wasn’t pleased, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
Psychologist Carl Jung as soon as mentioned, “Individuals will do something, regardless of how absurd, to keep away from dealing with their very own souls.”
That hit me exhausting once I first learn it as a result of that’s precisely what I used to be doing.
Preserving busy wasn’t making me pleased—it was simply distracting me from what I didn’t wish to face.
Generally, the toughest factor to do is decelerate and truly hearken to ourselves—however that’s the place actual change begins.
3) They get irritated over small issues
Again once I was pretending the whole lot was positive, I had this behavior of snapping over the smallest issues.
On the time, I didn’t suppose a lot of it—I simply advised myself I had a brief mood.
Nevertheless, these little outbursts had nothing to do with the likes of gradual walkers or dangerous Wi-Fi.
They had been indicators of one thing deeper: I used to be carrying round a whole lot of frustration that I wasn’t coping with.
I wasn’t permitting myself to acknowledge how sad I used to be, so all that bottled-up emotion leaked out within the type of impatience and frustration.
The issues that irritate us essentially the most don’t have anything to do with what’s truly in entrance of us.
4) They withdraw from deep conversations
There was a time once I averted deep conversations just like the plague.
I had no downside speaking about sports activities, films, or what I did over the weekend.
The second somebody requested me how I actually felt about one thing—whether or not it was my desires, struggles, or feelings—I’d shut down or change the topic.
On the time, I satisfied myself that I simply wasn’t a “deep” particular person.
But, I used to be avoiding these conversations as a result of I didn’t wish to admit—even to myself—that I wasn’t pleased.
Individuals who have interaction in additional significant conversations are typically happier than those that keep on with small discuss.
Trying again, I notice that avoiding deep conversations solely saved me caught in my unhappiness.
It wasn’t till I began opening up—first to myself, then to others—that issues actually started to alter for the higher.
5) They overindulge in distractions
Once I was at my lowest, I didn’t flip to alcohol or medication—however I did rely closely on different distractions.
I’d spend hours taking part in video video games, binge-watching TV reveals, endlessly scrolling by way of social media—something to maintain my thoughts occupied.
It wasn’t that I truly loved these items all that a lot; I simply didn’t wish to be alone with my ideas.
On the time, I by no means noticed it as an issue.
In spite of everything, what’s incorrect with stress-free and unwinding?
In a while, I spotted that I wasn’t actually stress-free—I used to be solely numbing myself.
Psychologists name this ‘avoidance coping’—utilizing distractions to flee uncomfortable feelings as an alternative of dealing with them.
Going through your feelings isn’t straightforward, however no quantity of distractions will make them disappear.
6) They wrestle to benefit from the issues they used to like
I bear in mind a time once I liked going to the gymnasium.
It wasn’t nearly health—it was my means of releasing stress and feeling good about myself.
Throughout one of the crucial troublesome durations of my life, that pleasure slowly light.
I nonetheless pressured myself to go, but it surely felt like a chore.
The music I used to blast in my headphones didn’t pump me up anymore.
Even after a great exercise, I didn’t really feel that common sense of accomplishment.
At first, I believed I used to be simply drained or unmotivated.
Trying again, I notice it was one thing deeper—I used to be sad, and it was draining the enjoyment out of the whole lot I used to like.
I used to be going by way of the motions of life with out actually feeling something.
Shedding curiosity in what we love is our thoughts’s means of telling us that we have to take a more in-depth take a look at what’s actually happening inside.
7) They appear extra “profitable” than ever
It sounds unusual, however a few of the most sad males I’ve met had been additionally essentially the most profitable—a minimum of on the floor.
I’ve seen guys who had been crushing it at work, hitting each profession milestone, making nice cash, and getting praised for his or her achievements.
To everybody else, they seemed like they’d all of it collectively. However behind closed doorways, they felt empty.
The rationale? They had been utilizing success as a method to outrun their unhappiness.
As a substitute of dealing with what they had been actually feeling, they threw themselves into their careers or private targets, hoping that the following huge achievement would lastly make them really feel fulfilled.
Nevertheless, exterior success can’t repair inside struggles.
If deep down you’re sad, no promotion, wage improve, or private milestone will magically change that.
You’ll simply maintain chasing the following factor, hoping it would fill the void.
Conclusion: what to do if this sounds such as you
For those who acknowledged your self in any of those indicators, don’t ignore it.
Pretending you’re positive gained’t make the unhappiness go away—it simply buries it deeper.
So what are you able to do? Begin small.
Acknowledge the truth that you don’t have to repair the whole lot in a single day, whereas additionally admitting that you just’re not as pleased as you appear is step one.
You may even discuss to somebody—a pal, a therapist, and even simply journaling your ideas can assist you course of what’s actually happening.
Slowing down is, additionally, useful to take time away from distractions and busyness; give your self house to truly really feel your feelings as an alternative of avoiding them.
Lastly, prioritize what actually issues—reminiscent of success, distractions, and humor—as a result of they’ll’t change actual success.
All in all, focus in your relationships, your function in life, and self-care.
You don’t must have all of the solutions proper now—however dealing with the reality is step one towards actual happiness.
